Accepting free work from friends
I have a close friend who comes at the drop of a hat to help me with air-conditioning problems. He won’t take payment, which makes me feel uncomfortable. What should I do?
It’s always a bit dicey when it comes to accepting “services” from friends. How much is too much? When are you taking advantage? Can you reciprocate in any way? Here are some things to think about:
- If you can reciprocate with services of your own, that’s often the easiest – the non-cash exchange.
- If your friend has a tendency to over do “giving” be mindful of a “martyr” syndrome developing on his end. That’s what you want to avoid because it will create hidden tensions in your friendship.
- If you feel uncomfortable because you can’t reciprocate and will always be “taking,” you should settle on a “friends rate” and let your friend know that this is important to you.
- Let your friend know that you may have to call another person to do the work – if that will help you not feel “uncomfortable.”
This is often a tough road to navigate – because it brings behind the scenes issues like being/feeling taken advantage of, feeding martyr feelings in the giver and feeding “owing” feelings in the receiver. It’s best to keep relationships clean and if an exchange of cash helps you feel ok, then insist on paying your friend.
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Wow, everything you said is so true – thanks for the great advice -